This is an extra-special episode of VS Arashi (VS 嵐) – the one time each year that the members of Arashi reflect on their successes and failures, and the most useless member of the past year has to pay the price. This is MMDA – Most Most Dame (Useless) Arashi:

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Yes, it is simply a highlight (and lowlight) episode, but the Arashi members are present and ready to comment on the clips, so it’s not a total repeat. Even if you watched every single VS Arashi in the past year (as I think I have, though I can’t say I remember every detail), there’s enough stuff here that you won’t be bored.

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In 2012, Arashi had 21 wins, 15 losses, and 1 tie:

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Last year’s MMDA, Sakurai-san, was up first, presenting a VTR compilation of his best moments.

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His specialty is, of course, Kicking Sniper . . .

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. . . and he talks us through some perfect kicks.

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In fact, he had 13 perfect kicks last year – more than any other Arashi member. You can see their individual tallies below. I could have sworn MatsuJun did even worse, but then again Aiba-kun did have a lot of spectacular misfires.

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For Sakurai-san’s fails, the staff started the VTR with this Pinball Runner . . .

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. . . where Sakurai-san was a Pinball Walker instead of a Pinball Runner.

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They didn’t even bother to show detailed clips of all his failures in Cliff Climb – just outright dubbing him horrible at it and moving on.

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What they really wanted to show was his bowling skills – or lack thereof:

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These guys are smiling now, but what will their reels show?

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Next up was Ninomiya-kun. He is, of course, the master of any game that looks vaguely like a video game. For instance, Korokoro Viking, where he’s been in the orange zone nine times and hit the 50 point slot eighteen times – the best record among the Arashi members by far:

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And what about Bound Hockey? Nino-kun was a goal-scoring wizard there, too.

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But when we think of Nino-kun’s role in VS Arashi last year, surely we have to mention his role as fashion leader.

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No avid viewer could forget this one, for instance:

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And how about the potpourri pajamas?

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Is that record good enough to save Ninomiya-kun?

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Time to bring out the fails!

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First, there was his interference when Harisenbon’s Haruna-san was trying to call number, getting her to do her famous “ja ne~ yo!” gag.

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But that was sort of unfair, because MatsuJun was also shouting for her to do them, so it wasn’t just Nino-kun.

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Then there’s the unfortunate flip side to his Korokoro Viking stat. It turns out he also hit the -50 point slot a depressing number of times.

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Even thought the VTR seemed to, the Arashi guys don’t let MatsuJun off for shouting at Haruna-san.

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And Matsumoto-kun’s best play reel was next, starting with a great record – getting 50% of all pink balls in Pinball Runner.

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Oh, and the youngest Arashi also had spectacular success knocking down the red pin in Bank Bowling.

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He actually managed 50% on the red pins, too:

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So . . . what did MatsuJun do wrong? Well, he did have those constant flubs in Kicking Sniper.

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But that 70% fail rate was the only serious blemish on MatsuJun’s record, so he at least seems safe.

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What about Ohno-san? He’s brilliant at Dual Curling . . .

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. . . and is Arashi’s Cliff Climber extraordinaire.

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Well, actually they call him the Cliff Climb right side specialist:

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I’m not sure what the 100% record in Cliff Climb measures. Is it for getting to the top? In that case, Sakurai-san’s 66% is better than I expected.

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But nothing beats Ohno-san’s ability to get stones into the center ring in Dual Curling – he managed to get it in there five times in 2012 when the only other Arashi who managed hit it one (and only one) time was Nino-kun.

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Well, things look pretty good for Ohno-san . . .

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. . . but what about his demerits?

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First, there was his rather coarse behavior, especially toward entertainment senpai:

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The staff of the show had a claim against him because of his behavior:

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But the real troubling point was when he didn’t talk at all.

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In one episode, he spent the first nineteen minutes without saying a word. In another, over twenty-five minutes. And those two were topped by another episode . . .

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. . . you’ll have to watch to find out how long he managed to avoid speaking in his most tight-lipped episode.

Back with the evaluation panel, they note that in the top three episodes, he went without speaking for more than an hour altogether – that’s one and a half episodes worth of airtime.

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That left Aiba-kun, who’s probably shows the most variance in terms of his performance. It’s all either epic fail or miracle for him. First the miracles.

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There was that time when they made him do yoga:

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An interesting moment, to be sure, but what about his game performance?

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Well, even though Aiba-kun doesn’t do very well in the game percentage-wise, he still racks up some serious scores in Kicking Sniper. When the ball he kicks manages to connect with the targets instead of a random part of the set, he brings a lot of them down.

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He also had a Korokoro Viking miracle:

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On the flip side, there were some embarrassing times for Aiba-kun in Kicking Sniper as well.

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Oh, and in Korokoro Viking, too.

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So yeah . . . I guess it all cancels out for him, right?

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All that was left after that was the moment of truth. Which Arashi was the MMDA last year?

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I love numbers, so I was totally entertained as long as they kept putting up the stats. It was nice to see so many of the best moments from last year – most of which occurred within the scope of my reviews. It’s probably true that the viewer would have to be an Arashi fan – or at least have a good grasp of the personalities of the five members – in order to enjoy this episode, whereas that’s not normally a requirement for VS Arashi.

I think this served as a season-ending episode, so expect a few weeks without VS Arashi until they kick off the new season with a special on April 4th.