Could there be a wilder set of guests than the comediennes who took over the Dec. 20th episode of Himitsu no Arashi-chan. Well, this episode of Arashi ni Shiyagare (嵐にしやがれ) seeks to get even crazier by having on five transvestite (I’m not sure if that term technically covers all five of them – Chris Matsumura-san is just effeminate) entertainers.

Theoretically, the Arashi members aren’t supposed to know who the guests are for this special, but it seems like they have a pretty good idea already because it was the same thing last year. And despite the unseasonable decor, they look ready for action.

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So are the guests – Haruna Ai-san, Chris Matsumura-san, KABA-chan, Matsuko Deluxe, and Mitsu Mangrove-san. Together, they are dubbed the “Yokai Onee Gundam” (妖怪オネエ軍団 – Demon “Sister” Troops), and they are here to give Arashi a hellish Christmas (地獄のクリスマス – jigoku no Christmas).

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I’m sure it won’t be quite that bad, but while the Arashi members are wishing Aiba-kun a happy 30th birthday (it was on the 24th), the guests all remark on how cute Nino-kun’s jacket is. Looks like they’re ready to pounce.

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Sakurai-san calls for the guests to come on stage and, from that point on, the focus is really on the Yokai Onee Gundam:

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In fact, Haruna-san and Chris-san start chatting to prove that they’re not at odds with each other (they had a fight on the episode last year), totally leaving out Arashi in their gushiness.

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After they finish, Sakurai-san notes that KABA.chan really . . . well, you can’t see it in the screenshot, but KABA.chan even has reindeer hair clips. KABA.chan was added to the Yokai Onee Gundam this year to make five members, and shouts (in a distinctly masculine voice) at MatsuJun that balance is surely good:

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Indeed, 5-on-5 does present a good symmetry and allow for more craziness. Haruna Ai-san soon proves, though, that just one might be enough, doing an excited cheer and, in the midst of that energy, losing all footing and collapsing to the ground in a compromising position:

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Damned heels! Anyway, things settle down a bit as they get into the gift exchange. With five members on each side, the exchange was direct. The boxes they brought out all had substantial volume to them.

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I think they decided to make Haruna Ai-san the host for this bit, though not without a lot of shouting:

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I’m going to leave what the gifts were out as spoilers (they’re surprises, after all), but I guess I can say who exchanged with who. First, it was Matsuko Deluxe with Nino-kun:

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I’m not entirely sure what Matsuko Deluxe gave Nino-kun.

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Then Chris Matsumura-san with Aiba-kun. I have to say, Chris-san’s gift caught me totally by surprise.

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And following that . . .

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. . . Mitsu-san and Sakurai-san exchanged gifts.

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Followed by Haruna-san and Matsumoto-kun:

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I guess, on this one, I have to actually show what one of the gifts was, because it produced one of the key scenes of the show:

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I think you’ll agree that it would be remiss to leave out those screenshots. I’ll leave you to guess who thought to give a sleeping bag as a gift to set this situation up. Your first instinct is probably correct.

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After some more shouting . . .

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. . . Ohno-san and KABA.chan did the last exchange:

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That was followed by the usual talk segment which was, as usual, a step down in energy.

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Honestly, having these five sit down is a waste, since it naturally makes them more restrained, which is not really what they’re here for.

The first rumor is that one of them is making progress in love – Haruna Ai-san. I couldn’t follow her explanation at all, though. The Addams Family theme playing in the background didn’t help, but neither did the fact that the explanation was very involved and took a while.

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The next rumor was about a superball (スーパーボール) being held between (挟んでいる)buttocks (お尻). That’s . . . wow. I bet the Arashi guys didn’t see that coming.

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It’s KABA.chan’s rumor, and they bring out some superballs of various sizes for a demonstration. MatsuJun understandably wonders who wants to watch this show.

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KABA.chan claims to walk around with the ball between butt-cheeks for ten to fifteen minutes.

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For a bit, it almost looks like the Arashi guys were going to dodge having to do it, too, but then MatsuJun is forced to do it for the length of the stage. You’ll have to forgive me for avoiding screenshots of this travesty – I couldn’t bare to look.

The next one seemed to be about Chris-san’s battle against wrinkles.

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This leads to all sorts of beauty-related talk.

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After Haruna-san offers some detailed techniques, Matsuko-san claims to do absolutely nothing:

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Of course, Matsuko-san is the same age as Haruna-san, and hasn’t won any beauty pageants (Haruna has).

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The last rumor is about recent body odor developments from Mitsu-san. There seems to be a pillow involved (枕 – makura).

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As with all the topics so far, Haruna-san tries to put two cents in, but Mitsu-san interrupts on the second cent. They end up giving Haruna the time anyway, though.

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This leads to a body odor check, with the Arashi members sniffing their guests.

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This calls for janken:

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Ohno-san has to do the honors, and first checks Chris-san’s claim that he has no body odor whatsoever:

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How will this turn out? Watch and find out!

The rumors just keep getting worse, as the next one is about massaging breasts in public. I think that way of phrasing it was just meant to sound a certain way, and Haruna-san’s explanation wasn’t quite what was indicated by the rumor. Still weird, though.

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Haruna-san picks on Sakurai-san for a date simulation:

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Mitsu-san talks about getting into female clothing even for an ambulance.

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After that, they talked a bit about the most prominent onee not in the room – IKKO-san.

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The final phase of the episode was the usual meal:

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They talked over dinner, with assistance from a completely superfluous comedy duo. It was a summit where they talked about problems with certain individuals.

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The first target was Chris-san.

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Unfortunately, there was no way I could follow the discussion. I hope this episode gets subbed, especially since it was discussion-heavy rather than action-heavy, and the topics seemed . . . well, they were certainly out-of-the-ordinary, weren’t they?

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Surely someone should translate the “MatsuJun Mondai” bit:

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That was it for the episode. While it was all talk, they certainly didn’t hold back in terms of subject matter. It looked like an excellent episode, with the energy level very high, but it definitely requires translation. I could only pick up bits and pieces with my limited knowledge of Japanese, and will (as I often do) have to rely on the kindness of strangers for the rest.

The Most Omoshiroi (Interesting) Arashi was definitely Matsumoto Jun-kun. He sure came into this and the Himitsu no Arashi-chan special in a good mood, all smiles. I think he clearly earned the M.O.A. with the superball bit, but his behavior throughout was really a constant highlight.

The preview at the end of this episode was really intriguing, with all sorts of challenges and even a visit from Matchy-san (Kondo Masahiko). It was the New Year special, and I’ll try to get a review of it out as soon as possible, but I’ve got enough year-end and year-start specials to watch to last me all of January!

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